I don't feel attractive

Let’s be honest. Some days I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t feel attractive. There is no doubt that we are our biggest critics and I think it is healthy to acknowledge the “ugly days.” So, grab your glass Sis. Let’s get vulnerable.

Social media use to be my weakness. I would scroll pass Instagram models and think to myself “damn it! I need to be three shades lighter, 100 lbs thinner, install two more booties, increase my breast size and get a 26 inch lace wig with baby hairs.”

The worse part about it all was watching people in the comments praise “this look.” Truthfully, social media tends to alter our perspective on beauty and sex appeal. The internet is crusty.

To add insult to injury, let’s discuss back handed comments. My favorite is “you are pretty for a dark skinned girl.” ( Thank you dusty!) The comment that truly makes me jump for joy is “I like exotic girls!” I am a Goddess. Therefore, I consider myself “exotic.” But who am I? (a damn Goddess like I just said)

As I mentioned previously on my social media platforms, growing locs is a journey that really forces you to love yourself. The locing processing can be challenging and discouraging. At times I have felt manly, unattractive, and like a 12 year old child. Some days I feel like Chole x Halle and other days Kodak Black. My locs are enchanting but Sis it is a rough process.

Prior to my locs, I wore long lace fronts and kept my face beat to the Gawds. But after spending hours to get ready and clogged pores I needed a change. I no longer wanted my hairstyle to define my self perception. I desired to radiate a different type of beauty; an authentic, rich, vulnerable, sensual type.

I wanted to wear the depths of my soul like lingerie. I wanted to look at myself and feel powerful, sexy, and raw.

Despite my Goddess aura, some days I struggle to see the Queen staring back at me. Sis, we all have those days and there is nothing wrong with that or you. What matters most is how you cater and love yourself when you feel that way.

On days that I don’t feel my best I catch myself projecting those feeling on to my partner. I question if she finds me attractive and often convenience myself that her feelings match my screaming insecurities. Even recently I thought “she must look at me in disgust!” During those days, I find myself wanting to hide from her. But instead of fleeting I whip out my journal, recite my affirmations, cry it out over wine, take a self-love spiritual bath and communicate my vulnerability with my partner.

Two things I have learned over time that have truly helped me on the “ugly days”:

  1. You cannot allow insecurities to ruin a good thing. Communicate how you feel with your partner. Don’t project!
  2. Beauty is more than a look; it’s a feeling. Self-love is far more attractive than wallowing in your insecurities.

Sis, on those days that you struggle to see the Queen in the mirror remember the above. You are so gorgeous and please don’t EVER forget it.

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