There is nothing worse than being compared to someone’s dusty ex; especially an ex that treated them like pure and total trash. The first time I had this happen I was offended yet hurt at the same time. Then, my insecurities crept out of the closet and made me (briefly) feel like I was not “good enough” or even “attractive enough.” I (briefly) felt like I should compete with the ex that mistreated them. Trust me, I pushed those insecurities back in the closet quickly and with great force.

After my brief pity party, I realized that there was a time, maybe two, where I compared a new love to my ex. I would say things like “I don’t think I can ever love anyone like my ex” or “my ex understood me better.” Well, let me set the record straight now, I don’t ever want to love someone like how I foolishly loved my ex. Furthermore, they did not understand me on this deep level like I once thought. Instead they understood how to use and manipulate me until there was nothing left. Everything felt easy with them because I was busy giving while they graciously received.

Never compare anyone to your musty, dusty, and crusty ex! You should never want to be in another relationship like that again and if you do then you need to find healing Sis. To be even clearer, certainly don’t compare attraction! I can promise you one thing, all of my exes are no longer my type. Because my type is respect, honesty, emotional stability, wholeness, and common sense.  

Do yourself a favor and stop playing the comparison or matching game. We are not in elementary school. Wanting to feel like how an ex made you feel is like running in circles, drunk. You should want the complete opposite of your ex. Learn from your mistakes; don’t repeat them.

Ask yourself the following questions if you feel the urge to compare your new love to your ex:

1. What behaviors did I participate in that caused the ending of the dusty relationship?
2. What red flags did I choose to ignore and how can I NOT make the same mistake?
3. How do I deserve to be treated?
4. What are my needs, wants and desires in a partner?
5. What are my boundaries?
6. What defines a healthy relationship?
7. How can I be a good partner?

Stop trying to replicate your previous relationships because after much reflection I am sure you will discover some hidden truths. Clearly it wasn’t that good of a relationship Sis. Especially if it left you drained. Get off the roller coaster ride! We aren’t doing this in 2020.